The Straight Women’s Guide To Dating Bi Guys

Alright, look. Someone has to say it!

Straight women, you need to get your shit together when it comes to bisexual males.

I am a bi-male. This means I am physically attracted to both men AND women. Yes…no, really….YES….shut up! YES, really! No, I don’t care what you’ve read. I don’t care what your ex-boyfriend did to you. I don’t care what you saw on Jerry Springer…actual, legitimate bisexual males are real.  We exist. We are thriving quite well, thank you…and we’re looking at your tits.

Your prejudices have started to become intergenerational and I, for one, can’t stand this bullshit anymore! So before I snap and smack a bitch, let me compile a checklist of appropriate behaviors, rules and such. If you have any further questions afterward, then check the list again. If you STILL have questions after that…you’re too stupid to leave the house and shouldn’t be dating or even talking to people!

  1. I AM attracted to both men AND women. I am not gay waiting for the right time to “transition.” I am not “confused.” If you doubt me, drop trou and say that shit to my face!
  1. I am NOT a eunuch. Do not think that just because I am not straight that you can treat me like one of the girls. MY dick WORKS!
  1. Don’t ask me to “explain this ‘bi thing’ to you.” I. Like. Women. And. Men. What else is there to understand? REALLY!!!
  1. Being bisexual is not synonymous with being a cheating, lying whore. If you’re going to continue to let what happens on Jerry Springer affect your real-life decision making, I’m going to start talking about your mother!
  1. Just because I’m bi does not mean that my sexual or romantic tastes are indiscriminate. I still have standards. Just having genitalia is not the only pre-requisite. Which brings me to…
  1. Bisexuals are QUITE capable of having healthy, monogamous relationships…calm the fuck down!
  1. I get so sick of hearing “I can’t compete with a man.”  Well, then stop trying! I’m with YOU, aren’t I? Calm the fuck down!!
  1. I am always going to be attracted to the same sex. Yes, even while I am with you. If you can honestly say you’ve never looked at/thought about anyone else while you were in a committed relationship, then you can cast the first stone. Until then…CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!!
  1. Do not flatter yourself by thinking you can “turn me straight.” Trust me, darling. I could throw you down right now, fuck you cross-eyed, have you screaming out my name and the names of all my friends in the chronological order in which I met them,, say my name, spell it THEN translate it into the 5th century Arabic…I’ll STILL be queer after. CaLm ThE fUcK dOwN!!!!
  1. Yes, I am a queer man. This means that I have non-heterosexual male qualities and tendencies. If I were you, I would shut up and enjoy them instead of worrying about what they could possibly mean. Don’t forget: I can dress you up, pick the fierce restaurant we go to, give you scintillating conversation while we’re out, dance the night away, THEN take you home and fuck you senseless….WHY are you complaining again?!
  1. Don’t get caught up and let your mind travel in the complete opposite direction. I’m not your gay-best-friend-that-fucks-you. I am still a man. I can and WILL do man shit. A lot. So don’t be looking at me as if I’m broken when I do.
  1. Oh yeah…Bi-boys are better at everything.

Whew! I think that’s all. At least that’s all I can think about at the moment.

Did I miss anything?

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61 thoughts on “The Straight Women’s Guide To Dating Bi Guys

  1. This is a very helpful post; im currently writing a blog called “so im dating this bi guy”. Its about my relationship with my bi boyfriend, and how as a straight female, ive tried to figure out how/if its different from dating a straight guy. At the very beginning of the relationship (a few months ago) I had tons of questions and I wish I had come across this page right fron the start.

    It seems like theres a lot of misunderstanding about what it means to a bisexual male. Please get in contsct with me if youd like to discuss this topic any further! Sydneysavoigne@gmail

    Thanks for this great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much.
    Although I knew all that (being a bi female at some point in my life), it is refreshing hearing it from a guy’s point of view.
    – from a girl who is dating a bi-guy first time in her life

    Like

  3. This post was AMAZING!!! I’m a straight woman dating a bi-man and this was definitely reassuring, not to mention confirming what I already felt. When people don’t understand something, it’s “wrong” or “broken” in some way. My feeling is that, you don’t have to fully understand why “we” are in this relationship. It’s “our” relationship. Just respect that it’s ours. We make our own choices and decisions in life. You don’t have to agree, just be respectful. And if you can’t..then…peace out!

    Like

  4. Yeah, but when ur faced with something new, like he confesses he’s “bi” to m,e I’m like, what the fuck does that mean, are u warning me sometimes ur gonna be a bitch n others a man? Wtf?, of course I’m gonn hv fucken questions, just like I would when dating a heter man.. so, calm the fuck down, n just answer my questions to the best of ur knowledge, its what I wld say… 😉

    Like

    1. First of all “sometimes you’re gonna be a bitch and sometimes a man?!” This is the reason for my post…that you obviously didn’t read. Second, questions are fine, but half-baked assumptions like that are the reason I give the side eye.

      Like

    2. Heather – you are obviously missing the entire tone of my blog and basing your reaction off of one sentence in one article. Which means you are obviously not my intended audience. Myopia is bad and leads to butthurt-ness. Sorry ’bout it!

      Like

  5. Fantastic article! Personally, I’ve had the great fortune of experiencing some incredible MMF situations that have made me a firm believer that Bi-guys do really exist.

    My dilemma is how does a girl go about meeting bi-guys??! Openly bisexual men seem to be a rarity… Not to mention being a woman that prefers men that are attracted to men is a difficult thing to explain to most people… They just don’t get it.

    Any advice??

    Like

    1. That’s a good question!
      I recently joined an online group entitled “GirlFags.” GirlFags are women who are attracted to men that are also attracted to men.
      Unfortunately, the only posts in this group were porn clips sent by men. So I don’t have much more info than that…but we’re out there! 🙂

      Like

    2. I wish I had advice, I’m the same way I’m attracted to men who like men (is there even a name for that?) There dosn’t even seem to be like an online forum or chat for girls like us. I would think Bi guys would be all for that.

      Like

  6. This was a great piece, as a women who is attracted to bi men or guy on guy it’s refreshing to here a guy speak so openly about it, unfortunately it seems most men aren’t open to admitting they’re Bi but with some of the comments iv’e seen on other sites can’t say I blame them.

    Like

  7. Holy crap. THANK YOU!!! This should be on blast. My correct label (or so I have been told) …is pansexual but hetero-amorous. I am attracted to other sexes, but ONLY date WOMEN. However, to tell a female that I have had sex with guys, is pretty much a deal breaker every time around, even after I answer every question. Such a double standard really. Anyway, I have been wanting to rant about this for a very long time. So frustrating…thank you for the awesome read!!

    Like

  8. I dated a bi guy and loved it personally there more fun to me and there is nothing wrong with it that’s why I don’t understand why people would have a problem with it I was fine with it I liked the fact he was honest with me

    Like

  9. Patricia
    I would think women would appreciate the honesty more than anything. It takes a lot for a guy to open up about this in today’s society! Thank you… To you and the other women that understand this topic or at least don’t just judge! Kudos to you… Wish there was more women like you!

    Like

  10. I really liked your article. I am a bisexual woman married to a bisexual man, together 20 years. He is not effeminate in any way, and has no stereotypically “gay” traits. He is very attracted to women, almost predominantly, but has had a few crushes on guys over the years. We have explored our sexuality with the other present but are monogomous in our relationship. It really bothers me that he has to identify as straight with straight friends. He has some close gay friends and can be open with them, but has definitely encountered some bad attitudes in the gay community as well. I really hate the double standard for bisexual men. I personally find bisexual people of both sexes to be the most attractive to me!

    Like

  11. Thank you for this blog. I’m comfortable with dating my boyfriend who is bi. He’s probably the sweetest, most genuine, honest, and romantic guy I’ve dated. It’s my “lovely” family who are being such butts about my relationship with him just because he’s bi-sexual.

    They think because one woman they barely knew who was married to a bisexual left her for a man that my boyfriend will end up doing the same to me or end up somehow giving me AIDS (how when he’s clean and is infatuated with me just boggles my mind). It’s frustrating because they haven’t even met him really. The only way they found out was that they stalked his facebook like a bunch of creepers. How am I supposed to deal with that?

    Like

    1. Short answer: he can change his privacy settings. Long answer: let these people know that he is YOUR man and you trust him. If they can’t respect that, then they don’t respect you and you have zero space in your world for that brand of foolishness!

      Like

  12. This is an issue for people? Holy hell. Been married nearly 20 years to a magnificent bi-guy, and his sexuality has never once been an issue. It has only been an asset, particularly when raising two kids who haven’t formed a sexual identity yet. They hear only calm and factual explanations regarding sex and what it meant when Johnny said he was “gay,” etc.

    He’s extremely selective about who he is open with, so most of the world sees him as a straight guy who has no patience for bigots and homophobes.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thanks….. This was an awesome and reassuring read. I’m not currently in a relationship with a bi guy in my life but the potential is there. He’s been totally up front with me which I appreciate but i definitely was a bit worried about it (which frustrates me to no end as I know logically it’s not something to worry about). I have no idea if our friendship will turn to more but I do know that if it does that it will be because we choose each other. I think I can calm the fuck down now 🙂

    Like

  14. Hi, I love this post. It’s honest and you say fuck a lot.
    I’m dating a bi guy, it’s been six months, it’s great, he’s great, the sex is really great, I adore him, don’t have a problem with it, however … I don’t know if it’s starting to erode my self esteem which has always been pretty good. The reasons are this: 1. He flirts outrageously with my gay friends when I’m there leading my gay friends to 2. All look at me with pity like I don’t know and have referred to me as his beard 3. He looks at guys when out with me a little too long, now I don’t expect him not to look at guys and girls, I check out hot guys when we’re out but it’s a quick glance, my guy stares at guys when we’re out together and it pisses me off! I’m trying to ‘Calm the fuck down!!’ believe me but if I can’t get my head around it all, I will have to end the relationship, which would be just awful. Any advice at all please, other than calm the fuck down, I’d really appreciate it.

    Like

    1. Well, now we’re talking about rules of courtesy and respect within a relationship, aren’t we? If his obvious flirting and lingering glances are making you uncomfortable, you should let him know. If he truly cares about you, he will adjust his behavior (or at least learn to be more subtle.)

      If not, well…you have your answer.

      Like

      1. I’m sort of in the same issue as Cat here. I’ve been dating my bi-bf for about 7 months now and we have a lot of feelings for each other. I feel I really need a quick “snap tf out of it and calm the fuck down” type of advice because my issue has always been with jealously. I know the whole “when you’re jealous it shows you care” type of thing but I’m just afraid it will deeply effect my relationship with him. I’ve always been very over-protective and stuff but I feel i really need to calm down.He started talking to this guy around July and they sort of had a little “fling” (Idk if you know what I mean by that but basically a lot of flirting) while he was still in a relationship with me. But i mean, the guy who he had his little “fling” with wasn’t the only person he’s flirted with before. He’s flirted with other people while in a relationship with me not just guys. I feel i really need to calm down because I don’t want people believing im some sort of homophobe with trust issues.(I’m most definitely not. My best friend is gay and I have nothing wrong with that). It’s just I’m so afraid he’ll fall for someone else that isn’t me and I’ll be left and forgotten. But as reading in some comments up above and reading apart of your blog: “He’s with YOU for a reason” I also feel a bit childish. I’ve even told him about how I get jealous easily and he understands that but even at times when I’ve told him how I felt about being jealous he still flirted with people. I just don’t know what to do and I want a healthy long relationship with him because I love him so much. HELP! (If “constructive crticism” or “tough-love” is what I need, feel free to give me any. I don’t wanna ruin things). Thank you so much! ❤

        Like

      2. Hi, Lynn!

        Okay, 1) You already heard me say you need to calm down so I’m not going to repeat that. Now 2) You say that you have expressed your nervousness at his flirting. What do you mean by “flirting” exactly?

        There’s the innocuous little looks and laughs in response to someone else’s mild innuendo. (We’ve all done this.)

        There’s him initiating the mild innuendo. (A little unnecessary but still okay. Again, we’ve all done it.)

        Then there’s blatant innuendo from either side. (Innapropriate.)

        If it’s the first two, you can brush it off with a smile and a playful “I’m right here!” If he’s smart, he’ll get the hint. And hopefully give you a bit more attention.

        If it’s the latter, then you might want to have a little talk about boundaries, at least in front of you.

        It’s one thing to flirt with others when we are in a relationship. It’s another to do it in front of your partner, especially if you’ve expressed your feelings already.

        You can let him know that his more extreme flirting is innapropriate, especially right in front of you.

        If he is a thoughtful, caring person, he will be more respectful of you and your feelings and only flirt when you’re not around (if at all) and always keep boundaries intact.

        If not, well girl…nobody ever said that straight guys cornered the market on being assholes. And it’s better you know now.

        Good luck.

        Like

  15. This was a great piece to read. Ive been in my relationship with my bi boyfriend for almost 3 years. I totally accept him for who he is. I also encourage him to maintain his male/male sexual encounters. Eventually, he would like me to be included in his other encounters…I’m all for it, if it’s his wish. We are in a monogamous relationship. I do not fear a break up. We are raising our kids together. He’s never had a relationship where he was even able to confide in his lover that he was bisexual. I’m the only one. I’ve told him many times that I would never try to change him or give him ultimatums…if I can’t have 100% of who he is, then I don’t want any of him. He is bi. He will forever be no and I will love him unconditionally. We have amazing sex. We communicate well. We have great kids. It’s a unique union but it can work…without jealousy , judgement or resentment. And yes…he does practice safe sex with his male/male encounters.

    Like

    1. Amber,
      My boyfriend just came out to me after being with him for 5 years. I had a feeling because I caught him talking to men and stuff. I totally accept him for who he is. My fear is kinda when he wants to do more like MMF. Should I be worried? What is your experiences.

      Like

      1. Has he asked to do MMF threesomes before? Did you participate? What exactly is your fear? Is it that you think a threesome is the first step on the road to him leaving you for another man?

        For many bi men, a girlfriend that will engage in MMF threesomes or otherwise acknowledge his attraction for sex with other men is perfect.

        I understand this isn’t for everyone. How have you communicated your feelings about his desires?

        Like

      2. Brenda, there’s absolutely no reason to be worried. Being in this type of relationship has actually made us stronger than me of our completely heterosexual couple friends. Always keep an open line of communication. That helps him to feel deeply connected to you and trust is pertinent. Whether he wants you to enjoy his alternate encounter or not, never stop his desires to connect with that side of himself. It can and will lead to anormal inferiority complex. There’s nothing wrong with him…remember, he’s perfect the way he is. Dating a bi guy has increased the pleasure of my sex life. He’s more open to all things sex wise because he knows I’m very comfortable with him and his lifestyle. It’s still the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. Imagine the strength it took for your man to tell you this. He had to overcome alot of anxiety and fear of rejection. He trusted you enough and cared for you enough to share this with you. That alone creates a very powerful bond. Enjoy this…trust me.

        Like

  16. This was a great piece to read. Ive been in my relationship with my bi boyfriend for almost 3 years. I totally accept him for who he is. I also encourage him to maintain his male/male sexual encounters. Eventually, he would like me to be included in his other encounters…I’m all for it, if it’s his wish. We are in a monogamous relationship. I do not fear a break up. We are raising our kids together. He’s never had a relationship where he was even able to confide in his lover that he was bisexual. I’m the only one. I’ve told him many times that I would never try to change him or give him ultimatums…if I can’t have 100% of who he is, then I don’t want any of him. He is bi. He will forever be no and I will love him unconditionally. We have amazing sex. We communicate well. We have great kids. It’s a unique union but it can work…without jealousy , judgement or resentment. And yes…he does practice safe sex with his male/male encounters.
    I also do not consider his male/male sexual encounters as cheating. It’s an added benefit to our relationship. There are different feelings and bonds with the men in his life..I wouldn’t dare try to imitate those. And they don’t try to mimic ours.

    Like

  17. If the guy I’m “seeing” for lack of a better tem (and have a sexual relationship with) isn’t “out” publicly about being bi.. But his drunk sister accidentally told me that he was.. Should I ask him about it? Typically he’s very guarded on many levels and I knew he was hiding things, though I didn’t know it was this (and I’m sure there are other things along with it) I want him to feel comfortable talking to me about this.. I want to know him on a deeper level than what he accidentally tells me when he drunkenly calls me from tour or after sex when he’s vulnerable. And I want him to know it’s ok and I don’t care.. That I love him and his heart and soul are what I’m interested in, not who he thinks is attractive.. Will it shut him down or open him up? I don’t know how to bring it up without outing his sister.. Though his niece did tell me he was “gay” the other day.. Help?

    Like

    1. There are a lot of factors to consider in this.
      How long have you been “seeing each other?” The longer it’s been, the more eager he may be to finally open up to you.

      Is his bisexuality a turn-on to you? A turn-off? Are you neutral on the subject? If it’s a turn-on then there’s a whole new world of adventure for the two of you. I don’t think it’s a turn-off or you wouldn’t be asking the question.

      If you do bring up the subject, don’t be surprised if he responds defensively at first, even angrily. He may even stop speaking to you for a while. But if you are honest in your feelings when you tell him how much you care for him and just want him to be himself, he’ll come back.

      Or he might respond with a version of “I thought you’d NEVER ask!”

      My main concern is with the way you said “‘seeing for lack of a better term.'” What does that mean exactly? Is your relationship just sex or more? That will also determine how ready and willing he’ll be to open up to you.

      I hope this was in some way helpful…good luck!

      NS

      Liked by 1 person

      1. We are basically two broken individuals who care deeply for each other.. And while I’ve attached the subject of dating, he generally avoids relationships due to what my best guess would be, being hurt or rejected. We do have a physical relationship and have for the past almost two years. We call each other when one of us is going through rough times and have been there for each other countless times, but we are not a couple. He does tours with several bands several times a year and is gone frequently so he likes to use that as an excuse for not wanting a relationship but I know it’s more than that. As far as him being bisexual as a turn on, this is honestly the first time I have ever been close to a male who identifies as bi. I have several girl friends who are, and several friends who are gay. As far as lifestyle choices go and my comfort level.. I am open to it but have no experience with it. I’m still a very selfish partner though and only want it to me and the person I’m with as far as the bedroom goes. But I really really want to talk to him about it and how HE feels and where HE stands on his expectations. Like, maybe he would be perfectly happy with just me, but he feels like I would judge him for being attracted to guys as well and that’s why he’s scared to commit? I just don’t know how to bring it up without upsetting him..

        Like

  18. I am a straight female and for a few years now I have found that I am more attracted to bisexual and even gay men than I am with straight men. I never had any of those biases or hangups noted, but I never really judged a person on their sexual preferences. When I was younger I knew a few bisexual and gay guys who were some of my best friends. I moved and now i find back home in DC it’s just hard to find friends like that here. I would be happy to get a chance to just have friendships with one but the online dating sites are not so helpful. Most of the personals sites I have found do not give an option for a straight woman to seek a bisexual or gay man, and the few that do are sex related. So I am stumped.

    Like

    1. That’s true, most online sites are sex-related.
      Check out Bi-Unity. It’s a resource for bisexual awareness and solidarity. They have a Facebook group. Allies are always welcome!

      Like

  19. This piece is great.. It helps me a lot to understand bi guys. Actually I am attracted to bi and had a almost bi lover but sad to say we didn’t end up being together. He is attracted to his bi best friend also. 😢 how am I going to handle this shit? I want to win his heart back again. But how?

    Like

  20. Thank you for the post I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He told me that he was BI 6 months into it due to us working together and he didn’t want me to “out” him. Things are going great we are getting married next year but I always wondering is he going to leave me for a man?? Before me almost all he ever dated was men because he said they are easier to deal with. Am I crazy for thinking this way?? Even though he really only dated men he did have sex with other women. I know in my head if he wanted to he could leave me for anyone. He is really good to me but it’s always a thought in my head and I wish it would go away because I love him.

    Like

  21. Hi I just loved reading your side of things. This guy & I just started talking & I really like him. He’s so open and he’s sweet. He told me he was into men as well on the first date! Now I don’t mind. Especially since i’m into women and men. I came home and told my sister and she disagreed with everything. I know my family and how judgmental they can be. It just makes me nervous.

    Like

  22. I did one of the stupidest things a woman could do: fell in love with a married man. Who was bi, but so deeply in the closet that his wife of 25 years never suspected. Who said he never felt freer in his life than when he was with me. Because I helped fulfill lifelong dreams of being with other men. Yeah I was his wing girl. We had loads of fun. Yet… He wanted to stay with his wife.

    Bi men are all I’m interested in. All the ones I have met are leaps ahead of their straight brothers in so many ways–emotionally most of all. And I’ve noticed they have a better understanding and caring of women’s emotional and physical needs. Bi boys are best!

    Like

  23. I love that rant of yours, made my day! Never will I understand the problem women have with bi sexual men. After all, it can open up the sexlife and bring quite nice quality to it. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    Personally, I would always prefer a bi sexual man but maybe that’s just because of me being a “girlfag” and with that being kinda attached to the queer world.

    Anyway, women should become more open and enjoy the awesomeness they get with a bisexual man crossing their way… or bed.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m aware that such a question is rhetorical meant but I answer it anyway:

        Living in a country where I get weird stares / uneducated comments for my sexuality, if I dare to mention it to someone and having my own rants about it on a daily basis. Hence why I were quite happy to find yours, knowing I’m not alone with thinking that people should get their heads out of their buttocks.

        Liked by 1 person

  24. Hey this is a good site I like it a lot ok here it goes I’m straight and in love with my bi man knew for ever cause we were friends for a long time and well now it’s more then that and well I need some advice I love him so much and so does he I’m the first woman he was with that made him want to be honest and open and make this work and I do too but I’m scared I get jealous when I knows he is doing it but then the next day I throw it away and just wanna love him … he just wants one part of the man and wants the life with a woman and family but we’re not living together right now but one day o wanna get there and between the two of us we have four kids I really accept him and get that when he gets what he needs he’s good till the next time so I’m. It sure if I want this to happen in the same house as me and the kids and I’m not sure if I will ever be willing to watch I love him for who he is I just don’t wanna know to much but I wanna know he’s doing it which I do so I’m asking ladies anyone how do you guy deal with it and be happy and not feel jealous that he is giving his time to someone else but he still takes care of me so I can’t really complain do you ladies allow your men to do it freely when ever… in your house … did you set rules or boundaries …. I don’t wanna give up I wanna try everything and anything if anyone is will to talk please help

    Like

  25. Yeah, I’m sticking with bisexual women. I am not going to beg and plea for a Disney Princess. Bi women get messages revery thrown at them that they are love able sex objects and turn to their male counterparts who sell this nonsense about how horrible they have it because “people say I am gay”. IDK, maybe as a bisexual man, I have never had issues with dating bisexual women. They are not exactly in the fluffy place that many our end complain about.

    Even funnier, the same bisexual men that whine about the gay crap only like gay men. Not exactly selling solidarity. I knew a bi guy who was constantly wonder I never had dating issues. I would say “there are plenty of fellow bisexual men or women”. Only to hear. “I want woman who’s mother material” and bi men are always sixing each other up and knocking each other down”. And I would nite that every other group does the same thing.

    Like

  26. I just started to date a bi men an I don’t know what to do or how to handle it I love him with my heart and soul I want to marry him. I feel like I’m not good enough for him . In respect of my body I’m don’t feel every attractive. He has he loves me . I just want him to want me as he want a man . What should I do in that respect

    Like

    1. You shouldn’t try to get him to want you like he would a man. You’re not a man. It’s different. If he wants you, he wants YOU.

      Also, if he’s with you and is enjoying being with you, relax and let it happen. Trying to compare yourself against others is never healthy, even if he was straight.

      Like

  27. I stumbled over this again and it still won’t get into my head. Where exactly is the difference between a bisexual man and a heterosexual man other than one of them also loving men? Like… do women also 24/7 hours think their heterosexual partner is after another woman? No. Why? They believe he has chosen them because of their love. Why should it be any different with a bisexual man? Some people seriously need to get their heads outta their arses and don’t believe those clichees spread by conservative wimps. In the queer world love and faithfullness is just as important as for any other. Sad enough that this has to be mentioned. Sad enough that a bisexual man has to write an article like this because of society being stuck in chlichees. This world’s people claim to be oh so modern but deep down they are still living in a past century… or simply are dumb.

    Free yourself from gender roles that has been forced into your head by idiotic conservatives who fear indivuality purely because it lets them lose their power, we ain’t living in the medieval anymore! Be yourself! Be free! Just love!

    Liked by 1 person

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