To The “I’m Not Gonna Vote-ers”

  

There is a growing faction of people who claim that they are opting out of voting in the Presidential primary election. They make this claim for various reasons. Disillusionment, apathy, disdain and nihilism being among the top ranked. 

Well, I don’t have the time, energy or inclination to get into all of that right now. But I will say this…

No matter WHO you are, that right to vote that you’re about to wipe your ass with has the blood of your ancestors on it. So who the fuck are you to throw it away?! Okay, fine. You don’t feel like settling for the “lesser of two evils.” I’m going to ignore how lazy and tired that argument is and instead say SHUT UP!

You better hold your goddam nose and vote for the one that leans closest to your REAL-LIFE issues as they are now! And if you can’t do that, then you better exercise that write-in option. Mickey Mouse, Alan Smithee, Santa Claus…SOMEBODY!

Because if…it becomes president because you pissed away a chance to take a vote away from it, I will find you. Yes. I will find you, staple a dead ferret to YOUR head and beat you exclusively in the face and neck area with a rolled-up copy of The Final Call. 

Don’t you bring about the apocalypse because you’re a political punk-ass!
Think I’m kidding…try me.

  

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