My name is Charles. Not Charlie. Not Chas and NOT Chuck. Charles.
What is it about my monosyllabic name that is so daunting that people can't just let it stand unmolested? Why do you feel the need to give me a fucking nickname? Especially when you just met me?
“My name is Charles.”
“Do you go by anything else?”
Why the fuck would I?!
“Can I call you ‘Charlie?”
“Only if I can call you ‘Bertha.’”
“But my name is Rita.”
“Yeah, well, I don't like that.”
That's it. From now on, if you feel the need to call me by anything other than my actual name, I'm just going to call you “Hortense.”